# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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