you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
