she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
