sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
