I think my fart just growled at me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
