I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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