before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
