i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
