My friends, they love my intelligence
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
