Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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