blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
