I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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