Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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