Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
