My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're like the curious george of whores
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
