I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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