don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
