and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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