I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
