i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
