so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
