he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
