I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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