it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
