i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
