We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
