He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
