New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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