Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
