Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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