I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
