What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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