i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
