glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
