So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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