allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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