The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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