Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
