She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
