Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
