Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
