she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
