dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
