The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
