Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
