Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
