I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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