There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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