I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
