I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
