The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will be naked everywhere
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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