it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
