Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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