im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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