guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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