I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
