Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
