he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
