It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
