I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
