Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
only if we run a train.
done.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
