My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
