I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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