**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize