I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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