..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
