In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
