I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
