found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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