Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
