dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
