Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
