Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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