She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
