Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
