he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
