There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
