i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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